I love my children.  I absolutely adore my children. So, when did this happen….

At what point in my parenting career did it become okay for me to cuss at my kids?  I actually think it is Karma laughing at me for all those times I thought I was such a great mom.

I have 4 children, all roughly 2 years apart in age.  My claim to fame is the fact that I was either pregnant or nursing for 8 consecutive years, 2000-2008 (give or take a few months). I absolutely loved having 4 little ones and I was good with them.

When my children were younger, I had it all together. Not my body or the laundry, but my everyday life with them was good.  I was in control, and we were all happy. Really happy. I volunteered at the church and school, I scheduled regular playdates, made healthy snacks and meals, had scheduled bath and bedtimes and read books EVERY single night without fail.

Back then, there was minimal fussing and name-calling was not allowed.  “Shut-up” and “stupid” were the forbidden “S-words”. 

Screen time was limited and only G-rated movies were allowed. I made dozens of batches of homemade play-dough (complete with extracts and essential oils). And I made it a habit of spending a majority of the day playing outside.  I encouraged their imaginations and made sure to have quality time together.

So…at what point in my parenting career did, “Please use your nice words and indoor voices” turn into “Are you f ***ing kidding me? What the hell were you thinking?”

I am not proud of the change in my demeanor and parenting style. My children are precious and I love them so much it hurts my heart.  For the most part, 95% of the time, I am calm, polite, loving, reassuring, positive and supportive of my children.The other 5%, I feel like I am having an outer-body experience.

I am college educated. I am an adult. I know better.  For these reasons, I deeply resent when they push me to a point where I am at their maturity level. 

I get to a breaking point where I resemble a raving lunatic who you see on those ridiculous reality shows. Parenting requires love and nerves of steel.  I have noticed that I practice Lamaze breathing more with my teenage children than I did when I was in labor giving birth to them. 

I still don’t remember when “the switch” occurred.  But I am pretty sure it happened over time.  Maybe when my children became more independent?  When they hit puberty?  Or maybe when my being nice and reasonable stopped working? 

A friend of mine has been a mental health advocate for over 30 years.  She explained to me that the brain and personality of a teenager mirrors that of a schizophrenic .  I laughed, thinking she was kidding, but then she went on to explain.  She said, there is a chemical imbalance due to the flux of hormones. Both the schizophrenic and teenage brain are delusional, paranoid and self-absorbed. The perfect storm occurs when the mother is going through menopause the same time as the children are going through puberty.  You are officially in the throws of a hormonal firestorm. And maybe there lies the problem.  

I don’t mean to cuss at my children. In fact, if you ask any of my friends, I am not necessarily known for having bad language.  It’s not that I think cussing or swearing is bad, I simply don’t use it in my everyday language. 

When I do cuss, it is for emphasis only. And with my kids, I am emphasizing how frustrated I am and trying to get their attention!  

My children don’t listen to me when I am nice and calm, they only pay attention and take me seriously when I lose my sh*t.  And I HATE that.  What happened to that positive, calm, loving mother that I thought I would always be? 

In all seriousness, I think we are going to be fine.  The up-side to my outbursts is my children know I am human.  I get frustrated and lose my cool-like anyone else. 

My goal is to raise my children to be responsible, nice adults who I would want to hang out with in the future.  I pray that they will overlook my occasional outbursts as I try to stay loving, patient and calm.  

May you have enough Magnolia Moments to make you HAPPY and enough Meltdown Moments to make you HUMBLE. – kimberly